diren's philtatos

The man came and went like a lightning.  He came on a friday - the rain was heavier than anyone could remember - and spent the night in the only pension the village could offer. He was gone in the next morning and would never come back. However, as is commonly known lightnings aren’t measured by their duration but by the amount of catastrophe they leave behind. "The Man", Ed Sheeran

Today #1 Today was an absolutely shit day. I'm left again thinking that I'm a worthless and ugly piece of shit. Also, I was ignored by someone I kind of may or may not care about. Which - you know - really, really sucks. And now that stupid hoe has just entered the bus - god, what have I done to deserve this? Today #2  I feel like throwing up, do you even know what an asshole you are? Do you know how much it hurts? And I'm sick of wondering what exactly it is I have messed up and this is not the first time that I'm feeling like this because of you and I just don't want to see you anymore, don't want to talk to you anymore. All I want to do is to throw up because there is no way, no way at all, I can keep all this inside of me, all this bullshit, all this hurt, the rejection, the aching, the pain, the feeling of being unnecessary and not welcome and just a worthless piece of shit and waste of time. Thank you for making me feel like that. Thank you very mu...

My brother disappeared on the coldest day of the year. It had been snowing for a week straight and it was impossible to go anywhere. It kept snowing and my mother was a mess. I waited for spring to come and things to get better again. But it never came.  The home in which my grandfather lived was not very far so I used to visit him frequently during that time. I had a few people I hung around in school but I wasn’t too fond of neither of them and couldn’t imagine having conversations about anything that mattered. He always greeted me with a cup of hot chocolate and gave me his favorite blanket to sooth the winter’s cold away.  My grandfather was an amazing man. He had refused to fight in the war and gotten into quite a bit of trouble but that was probably what I adored so much about them. He met my grandmother and it was love - real, proper, true love, the sort one would only find in romance novels. They had brought a son to earth - a wicked, adventurous and handsome ...

I don't know how to start. It's weird really - feeling as if you have so much and nothing to say at the same time. Just yesterday I passed all the places in which we used to spend so much time together. Where I told you my biggest secrets and you told me yours. If I could turn back time ... I wouldn't. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. The thing is, I am not the same as I was before and you have changed, too. You have changed so much, I don't think there's anything left from my former best friend. It just saddens me to think how quickly everything can change. Losing you wasn't difficult because you were hurtful and toxic and not meant to stay. But if lost you - you whom I was so certain of would stay - then who else can I lose? And I didn't only lose you, but I also lost him and while I've long gotten over you, I still haven't gotten over him and perhaps never will. He still poisons my dreams, the loss of him haunts me a...

So. I did some writing, I guess. It is very incoherent and just me rambling, really. I do quite like the first one. I'm currently reading »The Secret History« by Donna Tartt and the influences should be very obvious.  I am probably not the right person to tell this story. From the beginning to the end, I can merely be described as a minor side character and even now, looking back, I cannot say that I have fully understood what had happened to Hanna Grace that winter. Still, I will try to explain my impressions as clearly as possible. Despite being not the right person to tell this story, I guess I am the only one left.  The thing is, even now, after so much time has passed by, no one knows for sure who really had killed Hanna. It could have been anyone. Personally, I still believe it was Audree. But as I said — one cannot be sure. One might wonder why I have come to talk about this now, now that it is much too late, now that it has been ages since we all have seen o...

Prompt: Pick up the book nearest to you. Use the last sentence on page 89 as today's writing prompt. I picked "The Book of Tomorrow" by Cecelia Ahern, haven't read it yet and there's probably no character named Cedric but I actually quite liked what I wrote. Which doesn't happen that often. I was smoking in my room and I didn't open the window because it was absolutely freezing out and whenever I opened my doors they used to just slam shut, which was a total head wreck. The air was filled with smoke soon, making it hard to see, even harder to breathe and hardest to think. I could totally just kill the world right now. My mood, of course, had nothing to do with Cedric. Definitely not. It was the fact that I was covered with smoke and couldn't open door nor window and had missed the bus in the morning and broken my favorite mug and my mum had stressed me out and my period was probably on the way. I didn't give a damn about that Cedric guy, rea...

I'm probably not the only one who really loves reading but somehow fails to do it in the right way. Most people's problem is that they want to read a lot but don't find enough time. My problem is slightly different: I also want to read more and I even spend a lot of time doing so, however I find myself struggling to finish the books I start reading. It's not that I don't like the books and therefore stop - I read each "The Messenger" by Markus Zusak and "Eleanor & Park" by Rainbow Rowell to approx. the half but never got beyond that point despite enjoying it. The reason for that is that I always read several books simultaneously and forget about the others I was reading when starting a new novel. So, in order to read more and especially more efficient I have set myself a few reading goals for the new year. My aim is to read at least 54 novels over the next twelve months. Considering that I'm a very slow reader it could be a lit...