From Me To You and Him

I don't know how to start. It's weird really - feeling as if you have so much and nothing to say at the same time. Just yesterday I passed all the places in which we used to spend so much time together. Where I told you my biggest secrets and you told me yours.

If I could turn back time ... I wouldn't. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. The thing is, I am not the same as I was before and you have changed, too. You have changed so much, I don't think there's anything left from my former best friend. It just saddens me to think how quickly everything can change. Losing you wasn't difficult because you were hurtful and toxic and not meant to stay.

But if lost you - you whom I was so certain of would stay - then who else can I lose? And I didn't only lose you, but I also lost him and while I've long gotten over you, I still haven't gotten over him and perhaps never will.

He still poisons my dreams, the loss of him haunts me and doesn't let me go. I hate him for leaving and then coming back with things being so different, so unnatural now. I won't tell anybody and sometimes I'm even scared of admitting to myself, but I feel so betrayed by him. Because we were friends for so long, I knew him when I was still a completely different person and we got to grow up together, didn't we? And then he just left, came back, and everything had changed. Our forced conversations had lost the lightness they once possessed.

So, if I lost you and I lost him, if I lost people who were meant to leave and lost people who were meant to stay, is there anything certain? Who will be there after everyone has gone?

Don't tell me »nobody«, I don't know if I could handle that.

From Me, Diren, to You, A, and Him, S


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